Remains of the days
I visited my father who is very sick in my hometown President Roxas, Capiz. He had a second stroke last August and his condition has not really improved.
It was difficult seeing him… Days before my return, I was depressed. I cried because I know it is going to be different. My niece and I talked about missing his cooking. Sigh…
I arrived in the evening and he cried when he saw me. I refused to cry in front of my father. I vowed to myself i would not cry lest he thinks I am weak. I stayed with my parents from October 22 until October 27. I managed my emotions very well while i was there. I have to be strong not only for my father, but for my mother as well.
I could not really bear when my father whines in pain. It kept me awake even in the wee hours of the morn. He cries often and seems angry almost always. But, we need to be patient…
One evening, he was very impatient with the helper… He was ranting inaudibly… His speech is now impaired because of the paralysis. I have to placate him… Then, he asked me to brush his teeth… I have to brace myself before doing the chore… I still cry when I remember the scene…
I am so relieved when it was over… I managed a wan smile because he gave instructions how to brush his teeth…
I left with a heavy heart… and cried my heart out… I never felt so alone…
I know my father is dying…
